I'm not writing about the game. I'm not using the game as a metaphor. I'm writing about limbo - the state of being. The definition being that space in between this and that. When you are leaving this and hoping to make it to that, and yet, you aren't quite sure what that is. It's the place where things are as clear as mud, but you know it's there waiting for you to discover.
Making a change isn't the simplest thing. We all know that. It's challenging for a reason. It's creating a new way of being. A new protocol. It is an agreement that what was will be transformed to something that serves you and others better. Breaking old habits of thinking and doing, requires stamina. It requires willpower.
Being in limbo takes Grace. Yes, I mean God's Grace. The grace to sit in a space where what is next isn't sure and how to get there is lots of hard work comes from faith. Having faith in the knowing that Creator is seeking to express through my life and my work, makes sitting in limbo possible. I fight the urge to reach out to every resource and make this time about searching for answers. However, sometimes the real search is for the grace to just be here right now in the midst of these growing pains without knowing the end result. The answers are within. They don't require searching for from the outside.
Not knowing what you are working toward exactly means that being goal oriented is not a strategy. It means that the process and the now is important. The result will only come of work and being open to new possibilities. The answers will come as I listen to the YUM. They will come as I open myself up to what feels right as opposed to what I think I should be doing or what I'm obligated to do.
Sometimes we can get into a rut, a resolute routine. The routine may have once felt like a calling. It may have been something that was dropped onto the plate unasked for, and as I determined to do the work well, it became more of a habit to say yes, rather than an innermost desire.
Limbo can be a time of celebration. Yes, it can. Though, I'm having a hard time believing that just yet. I enjoy too much having a plan, something to call myself, and meaningful work. In so searching for so long, I have failed to recognize that I always have all of those things. 1) My plan is - Be still and know that I am God. 2) My current something to call myself - sojourner, writer, and mother. 3) My meaningful work - myself, my marriage, and my children. Choosing to not search, or seek, but to be right here, right now will bring forth the great joy of the Divine.
Kelli Hansel Haywood is the mother of three daughters living in the mountains of southeastern Kentucky. She is a writer, weightlifter, yoga and movement instructor, chakra reader, and Reiki practitioner.