Inspiration Among Stagnation: Or is this Contentment I'm Feeling?

Over a foot of snow fell and trapped us in the holler for seven days.  Sub-zero temperatures kept the five of us in our little cabin for most of that time.  It was too cold for more than one adventure into the snow.  During one of the worst days for being on the roads during this ordeal, my grandmother peacefully left this life with my mother and step-dad by her side.  I hadn't been able to get back to see her since a day before Valentine's Day.  The time I had with her on our last visit was good.  

We had to make several trips walking out of the holler, in dress clothes, with the girls, and up the steep hillside to where John was able to park his car at a neighbor's to attend my grandmother's services.  I can't describe how it felt to be there, and I'm not going to try right now.  It was what it had to be, and my grandmother was at blissful rest, her struggle ended.  

My car chose this time to have issues which has further trapped us at home while John works.  For nearly three weeks now, we have barely left the house.  I've cooked (a lot), cried, cleaned, kept up my yoga practice, homeschooled, tended chickens, messed around on Facebook, and watched a BBC drama on Netflix called The Paradise.  Otherwise, I have not felt like more and I still am trying to figure out if I should feel guilty for that and lazy, or if this is finally my feeling content with where I am in life for now.

Mimi blowing out the candles on her 80th birthday cake i made this passed October.

Today, we are preparing for another round of snow.  There is the possibility of six inches.  My car is in the shop for who knows how long.  Yet, I feel okay with that.  Me, who doesn't like to sit around the house, is okay with these moments here, just me and my girls.  In our school time today, I found inspiration to write for the first time since the snow in my girls' enthusiasm for getting back to a normally structured homeschool day.  I was inspired by the fact that even though we have had a rough patch, we have 122 attendance days completed as of the end of this week for the 2014-2015 school year.  I was inspired that my house feels tidy enough in this moment.  I can not feel like talking to people.  I can only want to see a few folks.  I can dream of travelling.  I can be playfully envious of Anthony Bourdain and his job.  I can get wrapped up in a good television story.  I can grieve.  I don't have to feel guilty about it, or lazy.  I don't even have to accuse myself of being stagnant.  I can be productive on my terms.  I can be still and content right now as I am.  Is this what contentment feels like, or is this the stillness of grief?

Circle Time today.